I'm leaving Paris.

Getting older is something I am finding to be an endlessly fascinating experience. I don't fully know who I am. I think a more accurate statement would be I'm getting to know myself. I keep thinking I figured out what I want and how I want it and then I get a little bit older and my priorities and my desires shift. It keeps happening. What am I talking about? Four years ago, I moved to Paris and it's been four really rich years of Everything that I was looking for at that time creating a sense of community of belonging making friends of Stimulating conversations about art and life I had all of it, but I've had this growing feeling that is becoming impossible for me to ignore It's like the universe is nudging me in a new direction that I'm supposed to go and let me tell you it is a scary moment when you come to the realization that you maybe Don't want the life that you created for yourself or that you don't want it anymore. We make the best decisions that we can with the information we've got. The only problem is that that information can quickly become outdated because we're all learning and growing as we go. Recently, I made a video sharing my desire to change the kinds of things that I want to make, to make things that are more artistic, more intimate. And I'm calling this new phase of my life, Nathaniel Drew 4.0. What I didn't fully take into consideration was that to do work like that, that feels more intentional, more connected. I have to live my life like that as well. Now here's the hard part. I'm feeling really drawn to spend time, way more time, in the countryside. In big, quiet, open spaces. I like being alone more than I ever have. I don't feel such a rush to do a million things anymore. That's how I used to think that you had to do things to squeeze the juice out of life. And now... I feel like a much better way to do that is to be as present as I possibly can be in whatever I'm doing. And that actually means doing less things at once. Less things overall. Because you're not cramming so much into the 24 hours of a day. The challenge here for me is that what I want is not something you're supposed to do when you're my age. I'm 26. This is the phase of life that you're supposed to be living fast, doing as much as you possibly can. Look, I feel like I've lived a very full life so far, but I feel that the art of living requires us to question the assumptions of society around us. So obviously this has been a bit of a confusing and I'll admit a little bit of a turbulent period for me because I'm just I'm doing a lot of questioning, but I've made it as far as I have by listening to my heart and my heart is telling me to explore this new path, this new avenue. And I don't have it all figured out, but I'm working on it. And I know a lot of people panic at this point where they question everything, right? And they want to make a big change, but they don't know exactly what they want to replace what they currently have. I'm a little bit in that place right now, but I have faith that everything that I've done so far has led me to this point and that things are going to unfold as they naturally should. Sometimes it does feel a little bit like the plot has been written already. Or like at least the big plot points, you know what I mean? Whether it's like how my personality or my genetics are playing out, how I was raised. What I'm realizing recently is that what I've been doing with this YouTube channel over all these years is I'm telling you the story of my life. And it's a story about being human. And what comes with that is a whole lot of inconsistency, let me tell you. Inconsistencies in terms of what I want to make, what I want to talk about, what format that takes. what upload schedule, where I want to live, what I look like. But the one thing I am always aiming for, and this has never changed since the very beginning, is character development. If you've been around for a while, then you know you've been watching a guy figure out his life in real time. And so in that spirit, and as a form of encouragement for those of you out there that are maybe feeling similarly or trying to navigate your own path, I want to share a story. I hope that in some small shape or form, this can help. Now before I dive into that story I want to briefly thank the sponsor of this video which is BetterHelp. BetterHelp have been great supporters of my channel for a long time now and I'm very happy to support what they're doing because it's basically making therapy more affordable and more accessible to people and look I'm a big fan of therapy I've been doing it consistently for years now and I'm very grateful all of the members of my family do it as well because I think it contributes significantly to all of us getting along like I think it's nothing but a plus for the family dynamics. BetterHelp makes the whole process easy and flexible. You can pick who you're talking with, when and how. It's free to change your therapist if you're not clicking and you can easily fit when you get support. according to your schedule since it's all fully remote. And you can even pick how you're communicating with your therapist, whether that's via text or video call. It's super easy to sign up and get matched with someone immediately. All you have to do if you're interested is go to the link in the description or go to betterhelp.com slash Nathaniel Jewell. Clicking the link is a great way to support this channel and it also gives you 10% off your first month when you sign up with BetterHelp. Thank you again, BetterHelp, for sponsoring this video. All right, here comes the story and unfortunately, It's a little bit of a scary one. As many of you know, I moved to Europe just before the pandemic began around, well, almost exactly four years ago. This resulted in me being unable to see my family for over a year. And of course, when I was leaving, I had no idea that this was going to happen. I don't think any of us did. But I say this because when I did return over a year later, our family dog, Peanut, had passed away. under unfortunate circumstances. She was a sweet loving dog. So good around people. Totally knew how to charm you. In some ways I'm still affected by the fact that I didn't know I was never going to see her again when I was leaving for the airport. All of my thinking, all my thoughts were around this new life I was going to have in Europe. It gets worse. Before I left to go to the airport on this big move into this new chapter of my new life. I spent a few months living with my parents. I needed that time to get my French visa, which was a bit more of a process than I realized. And at that time, I was so incredibly focused on maintaining my weekly uploads. I was so busy. I was working so hard. And my mom's a very intuitive person. So she picks up on energy. She can tell what's going on. And she kept telling me, I don't feel like you're present here with us right now. And it was almost like she was pleading with me. Please be with us right now. You're here right now. Let's... Let's take advantage of this time. And I don't think I really heard her. The message wasn't entering my brain. I was so focused on what I was doing that it didn't click what she was saying until well afterwards. Until I was stuck thousands and thousands of miles away. But here's the thing. I made the mistake again. Because when I did return to visit my parents over a year after having left and started my life in Europe, what I didn't realize during that visit was that It was going to be my last visit in that house. I had no idea that my parents were going to sell that house and leave the United States as well. Can I just say it is so good to see you. It is so good to see you. Thanks. Same. Oh my God, I'm going to cry. I didn't realize this, but I was visiting for the final time the most important house of my upbringing, of my childhood. That's it. It belongs to somebody else now. I'm probably never going back there. And when I was there, I had no idea that yet again I was saying goodbye to something. My point here is very simple. Change is happening. It's always happening. You can't stop it. I'm sorry if you've already heard this before. You probably have. It doesn't change the fact that it's a super important reminder. Which is that it's best to not rush through whatever it is that you're doing. Because you don't know when you're doing or seeing or interacting with someone or something for the very last time. I am taking all of this. as seriously as I can. I don't want to take things for granted. Every time I enter a new chapter of my life, I'm realizing now I'm saying goodbye to a whole bunch of things and I don't even know what those things are until afterwards. You do not get more out of life by going faster. You get more out of life by going slower. And of course I mean this as a reminder to myself. These are all reminders to myself to live as fully as I can. And how do you do that? You ask. I don't want to leave you empty-handed here with this warning. I think the best answer that I can provide you comes in the form of a poem by William Henry Davies called Leisure. I hope you enjoy. What is this life if full of care? We have no time to stand and stare. No time to stand beneath the boughs and stare as long as sheep or cows. No time to see when woods we pass. where squirrels hide their nuts in grass. No time to see in broad daylight streams full of stars like skies at night. No time to turn at beauty's glance and watch her feet how they can dance. No time to wait till her mouth can enrich that smile her eyes began. A poor life this is. If full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.

Get 10% off your first month of therapy with my sponsor https://betterhelp.com/nathanieldrew

An explanation of what "Nathaniel Drew 4.0" is the direction I intend to move with the things that I'm making → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFWwhg4uLeY&ab_channel=NoBackupPlan%E2%80%93NathanielDrew

My dad's channel (reference in the video) → https://www.youtube.com/@beneaththesurfaceyt

My blog/newsletter → https://nathanieldrew.substack.com/
Second Channel → https://www.youtube.com/@nobackupplan
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/nathanieldrew_/
Online courses → https://www.nathanieldrew.com/onlinecourses
Music → https://johnny-harris-x-tom-fox.disco.ac/cat/1632843844

Timestamps:

00:00 – I feel myself moving in a new direction
04:01 – A few words on the sponsor
05:10 – The danger of rushing through life
08:32 – How to remember the important things