How to Talk to Anyone (Even If You Don't Know What To Say!)

i'm going to show you how to talk to anyone without running out of things to say i'm talking when you're stuck in awkward small talk with a co-worker when you're meeting someone new and your mind goes blank or when you've known somebody for years but still feel like you barely know them as long as you follow the exact framework in this video you'll never feel trapped again in conversations understanding this framework has allowed me to form a strong connection with 95 of the people that i've met as a keynote speaker and as a communication coach but before i teach you the framework i need to address the biggest misconception i hear when it comes to talking to people small talk everybody hates small talk yet you've got to understand that small talk is the path you have to go through in order to get to big talk the problem is staying in small talk the problem is when people go hey how's your morning been oh good good good good how's uh how's the weather i guess i guess we're in the same place or experiencing the same weather so it's pretty hot outside and the reason it gets weird and the reason it feels weird is because you're staying within the small talk category if you want to talk to anyone but you're afraid of getting stuck in that small talk loop then this framework will help you it uses a communication technique called conversational threading Conversational threading is a technique where through conversation you actively notice specific words or topics and details that the other person mentions and then you pick one of those to respond to or expand upon to keep the conversation flowing naturally. Or if you're the person talking you give enough detail in your answers so the other person has multiple pathways or conversational threads to take the conversation next. Most conversations end fast. because there are no threads to pull on this framework creates six threads it's called high low buffalo high means you're sharing something that's going good for you what's going well for you what's going really good for you and then low is something that's not not as good something that's not going so well for you not so good for you there's you being a little vulnerable and then buffalo this is something that's interesting about you what's interesting about you share one interesting thing about you and that's how you play high low buffalo so say for example we were going to play this game the way i would frame it after a little bit of small talk is i'd say oh hey by the way my name's vin that's so nice to meet you oh my name's ben great to meet you too vin ben i learned from this communication guy named vin jang he's amazing if you want details to join his class i'll give them to you by email later he's got a crazy game he calls high low buffalo we've worked together for three years we barely know each other do you mind if we play this game high means you share something that's going well for you in your life low means something that's not so good for you in your life and then buffalo something interesting about you are you open to this yeah yeah sure let's give it a go then you go first so then what i do now is i share the three things so if i was to play this with you right now so you can experience how it happens i can say you know something that's going really well for me right now is i've handed in my final edit for my book it's been a really challenging thing that i've done in my life but i'm so proud of what i've been able to do and i'm just glad that chapter's over and done with so that i'm feeling really positive about that low for me low for me is that i've found that i've been working still too much in the last probably two to three months i'm still getting into work so early and i'm leaving really late and i find myself my life's a little bit it's not really well balanced i feel like i'm not spending enough time with the kids and my wife so yeah i'm not feeling too great about that and then the third thing i'll share with you is i just got two two cats i've never been a cat person my entire life and what's interesting is that i've discovered this part of me that i've really fallen in love with cats and i used to be a dog person 100 i used to think that people who own cats are evil but i find myself really liking cats now It's been an interesting thing I found about myself. What I've just done there is I've created three threads, okay? So what I've done there is when you think of this conversation now, what allows you to get out of the territory of small talk is I've created now three opportunities. The first thing I spoke about was my book. The second thing I've talked about was work, life, balance, and how it's a little bit off balance, right? So I'm off balance. And then the third thing I spoke about was the kittens. We adopted a couple of cats. So what I've effectively done is I've created three brand new threads for this conversation to be able to move into whichever direction we want to go. By the way, as a quick note, for those of you who are new here, if you want to learn more about conversational frameworks that work in professional and personal environments, I've created a free two-hour training that shares three of my top frameworks that I use every single day and even in this video. make sure you click the link in the description or scan the QR code you see on screen if you want access to it. But here's what's brilliant. Because what's brilliant is now they have a go. So now Ben has a turn. Oh, well, thank you for sharing that. That's awesome. Well, okay, my turn. What's going well for me is I just got a promotion, which is I'm so excited about. I've been waiting for this promotion for so long and finally I've got the promotion, so I'm really proud of that. The second thing, something I don't feel so good about is... i've been putting off a really hard conversation with one of the team members who's not really pulling their weight and i just keep putting it off and i'm having to do their work all the time and i'm just i'm not setting clear boundaries so that's that's been really hard and then something interesting about me is that i do archery i do archery and that's what i do in my free time and i've loved archery for the last 10-15 years of my life okay you see what's happened to you now there are not just three threads now there are six threads in this conversation because if you think about what ben just mentioned first thing was that he got a promotion second thing that ben mentioned was that he had tough conversation how he's avoiding the tough conversation and then the final thing is archery what we've effectively done now is we've got six different threads six different directions that we can go in with this conversation and i call it conversational threads because now there are so many different threads that we can choose to pull on And these are threads that both parties actually care about. Otherwise, when you don't have this, what are you doing? You're shooting in the dark. We are now creating known knowns, things that people actually like talking about and are open to talking about. And we've done a really special thing here too, because we also got them to share something that's a little vulnerable. And that's such a critical factor into having deep conversations. Because once Ben and I both play this game, there are now six threads in front of us. And Ben can choose. Does he want to pull on one of my threads? Does he want to pull on the book? Does he want to pull on work-life balance? Does he want to pull on the kittens? Right? And I've got three choices with Ben. Do I want to pull in on the promotion or the tough conversation that he should be having? Or maybe even archery because I do archery too. And then you found something in common. This also increases the chances of you finding something that you have in common with the other person. Do you see how powerful this framework is? Is that it opens up so many threads. And now it allows you to have a deeper conversation. So Ben might actually ask me, oh, hey Vin, Ben, tell me more about the work-life balance thing because I'm finding myself working too much too. The result of me avoiding the tough conversation is that I'm also working more now too. So I totally feel you. So what are you going to do about that, Vin? Now I get to talk more deeply on why work-life balance is important to me. What's my approach? How am I going to start to change things? and it might lead to a really deep conversation to where to where ben might have some insights that helps me get through that then i can ask ben ben tell me more about the promotion i heard people talking about it but tell me more about the most promotion how do you feel how do you feel in the new role this is what deepens connection and builds rapport but that's how i approach conversations where i know i'm going to be sitting with a stranger for the next 30 plus minutes i will create this and when you're playing this with three or four people oh my goodness the conversations go crazy because you've got now 15 threads I've discovered that most people end up hating their jobs, not so much because of the job itself. They don't hate the job. They hate that they feel so disconnected in their job. They hate that they feel so isolated. They hate that they feel so alone. Whereas when you work with great people and you've got great connection, you love what you do. Sometimes even if what you do sucks a little bit, you still do it because you love the people. And the single biggest thing that people regret when they die is I wish I spent more time connecting with the people that I love. It's the single biggest regret. I wish I connected more. It's not like I worked harder or wish I had another car or wish I had this house. No, no. I wish I had deeper connections with the people that I love. So try this game with the people you love. Try this at dinner with the kids. Try it with your partner. Give it a go.

In this video I'm going to teach you a powerful framework to have a deep conversation with anyone.

FREE Communication Frameworks Training ➡ https://free.vinhgiang.com/htttahlb-frameworks
I'll teach you 3 communication frameworks to master conversations 🗣️

It's called the High Low Buffalo framework and it sounds weird I know - but trust me every time I do this with someone, it steers us away from small talk and into deep talk territory.

=== About Vinh Giang ===
Vinh Giang is an internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, communication skills expert, and magician. He blends his unique talents to captivate audiences and deliver powerful lessons on the art of influence, persuasion, and effective communication. His mission is to empower individuals and leaders to communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact, enabling them to unlock new levels of success in both their personal and professional lives.

=== Follow me on social media ===
IG: https://www.instagram.com/askvinh/
X: https://X.com/askvinh
TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@askvinh
FB: https://www.facebook.com/askvinh/