How to Master Any Conversation (Even If You’re an Introvert)

We have surface level conversations all through the day. It's why more people than ever now feel unfulfilled and no depth in their life. The biggest problem of my life is that I cannot initiate conversation with a not stranger, anyone. Because I just feel that I will not have anything to communicate or anything to share. I feel that I just could not carry the conversation further. Right. So I just hold myself back and just shut up. I just want to be able to start initiating conversation with the strangers and want to expand my network. Thank you for the question. Does anybody else here have the same fear meeting strangers? Okay, she's not alone. There's a lot of people here asking the question. Okay, so please know you're not alone. One of the main reasons we're afraid of having conversation with others is... What are you afraid of? You tell me. What are you afraid of? So if you were to do it, what are you afraid is going to happen? I'm just afraid that I will not be able to speak any further. I don't have any incidents to... exciting incident to share. Yes. Right? And I don't want to share anything, obviously, bad or anything which puts the conversation off. So too scared of speaking, basically. There's an obsession about getting it right. I don't want to do it wrong. That's right. Okay. So I don't want to do it wrong, right? Exactly. Now, can I share with you a quote that I want to put in my book that my publishers hate, but I'm putting it in there anyway? Here it is. The price you have to pay to become great at something is you first have to be a little bit shit. That's the thing you have to accept. First thing is you are going to be bad at it the first time you start. It's inevitable. That's how we all get better. So what happens when you fear it is you do less of it, and when you do less of something, you don't get better. There's no chance for you to get better. So the first thing is, I want you to just adopt the mindset of imperfection. It's okay. You've got to be a little bit bad at it, and I want you to do it now. Now you've told everyone this. When you're out in the breaks, I want you to go do it. But I'll give you a framework to do it with. Okay? So if you see a whole group of people that are having a really great conversation, you want to be a part of that, I want you to just walk up to that group, and now this is a challenge. Are we all going to keep Preet accountable to this? Yeah, we are. No. No, Preet. Come back here, Preet. To the microphone. To the microphone. Because we're now going to support you in this, okay? And then here's the game we're going to play. Here's the other fear he mentioned. Again, we've got to listen, active listening, right? What if I don't have anything interesting to say? Like there's a fear of one, perfection. There's a second fear of it, but I'm not interesting. So the second thing that I'm going to share with you, this is so simple, but people won't do it because they go, ew, it's gross. No, you're gross for thinking it's gross. It's not gross. There's a wonderful conversational game you can play with people you meet. It's called Hilo Buffalo. I love this game. Have you heard of it before? Unbelievable. High, you share something that's going great for you. Low, something that's not going so great for you. Buffalo, something interesting about you. Now, the reason I get you to play this game is because what this creates is it creates conversational threats. So when you first normally meet someone, how does the conversation go? Hey, how are you going? Good. Oh, nice to meet you. Okay, cool. Right. So what do you do? Oh, I'm in accounting. Oh, exciting. What do you do? Oh, I'm in law. Oh, yeah! Yep. Oh, have you seen the House of Dragons? No, didn't get into it. Everyone says I should watch it. Oh, okay, that's cool. Do you watch Friends? No, no. Have a good workshop. Take care. Okay, cool. Always happens like this, right? So there's no threads. There's no threads at all. So when you play Hilo Buffalo, as awkward as it is, all play it in the breakouts, and you have to play it. And I want you to report back to me if you do, multiple times. So do Hilo Buffalo with me now. You ready? High something that's going good for you in your life low something that's not going good for you in your life and something interesting about you Okay, face one of your deepest fears. Are you ready? No, then then then I'll give you a moment. I'll go first Okay, thank you something that's going really good for me right now is Just three days ago. We got an email from Warner Brothers and on the same day Disney reached out. I'm super excited about collaborating with these businesses The thing that's not going so well for me in my life is my son's been experiencing a bit of bullying at school. That's really sucked for me. And so we're working through that as a family. The third thing, something interesting about me, is that I now am the proud father of seven chickens. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's been a lifelong dream. Lifelong dream to have a chicken coop. So that's me. Have a go. It's okay. You'll first have to be a little bit shit, then you'll get better. There's no right or wrong answer. Hi, is that I'm doing very well in my job. In spite of not having a good network, I'm really performing and... I think I lost it. No, no, that's okay. Keep going, keep going. Because of my past experience, I've been doing really well in my job. I got vast experience in finance industry. That's helping me to do the best in what I'm doing. Beautiful. I love what you did there. Something he did that was wonderful was that when he didn't know what to say, didn't um, didn't ah, didn't freak out, just paused. Thought of the right thing, then spoke. You're doing great. And Lo, something that's not going great. Lo, I think I've already mentioned, I'm zero in networking. I'm zero in initiating conversation. And I just feel something bad is going to happen if I initiate the conversation. Thank you for sharing that. And how about something interesting? Interesting is, in spite of these laws, I just keep doing what I'm doing best, that is, you know, guiding people towards getting into their first homes, towards, you know, helping people to meet their goals. Beautiful, yeah. Okay, that's great. So you see what happened here. I gave him three threads, okay? Potential clients, one thread, bullying, second thread, third thread, chickens. He gave me three threads. Very proud of how his career is progressing in finance. Thread, second thread, is that it was my inability to communicate and sometimes initiate conversations. Third thread, as well, he's so proud that he's able to help people get into their first homes. There's six threads for conversation now. Six threads. So then what happens when you're in these scenarios with these six threads, which one of mine do you want to pull? I gave you chickens, I gave you Disney. I'll ask the bullying thing because a lot of children are suffering that. How did you overcome or how are you helping your son to overcome that bullying so that he becomes confident in the groups that he goes and that it should not impact his future confidence? Thank you for your question. Okay, so you see, now what's happening here, and I'm showing you in the conversational thread world, what he's doing is now, he's asking me a question that he's genuinely interested in, but that I'm also genuinely interested in. We're not talking about Game of Thrones. Okay, we're not talking about these topics. So now I get to talk about something that I'm also interested in, and he's keen on hearing. Okay, so I'd love to share with you. My son's on the spectrum, so my son has autism. And the thing that I've realized that I need to do as a father to help him on his journey is to help educate the other kids, the school, and the other parents about autism. And the things that he's been teased on is things that they just don't understand. That's okay. I understand. We tend to fear what's different, and we're scared of what's different. So my wife and I, we bought a book about a cat that has autism, and we bought one for everybody in the school, for the kids, and to bring home to their families. And to my son's class, I read that book out to them. And I explained it as I said, you know, all of you have a superpower in this class. You know, Peter, you're so amazing at soccer. That's your superpower. Laura said, your superpower? You're an artist. I see your drawings on the walls. So amazing what you draw. You know Xander's superpower? He knows every single animal in the world. And he can tell you about their average weight class. He can tell you about what they eat. We all have superpowers. And just by doing that now, I changed the language of Xander just being labeled as autistic. To him now being, oh, what's your superpower? What's your superpower? That's their superpower. So it's education. Because I don't believe people are innately mean. I think people want to be useful. They're kids. They're eight years old. So that's the first step that I've taken. Can I ask you a question too? Please. Yes. How much has it cost you not being able to communicate well and not initiating conversation? A lot. A lot. Can you quantify that for me? Very small. Friend circle. Yes, I can count on fingers. Okay, and of course confidence wise I've lost a lot. Yeah, because the less you speak the less confident you get I think yes Yeah, but that whole point of me being here today. Yeah, is this is the biggest fear that I what if I was caught on the stage I didn't want to This was not why what I was hoping but I think now at this moment I really feel glad that I'm standing right in front of the genius. Yeah You played that beautifully with me. I didn't have a surface layer conversation with you. I had a meaningful conversation with you. Whereas often without people realizing, we have surface level conversations all through the day. It's why more people than ever now feel unfulfilled and no depth in their life. But it requires courage to be first shit. It requires courage to go, hey, do you mind if we play that weird game that Vin said? I mean, I don't want to do it, but Vin said we've got to do it, so can we do it? Lean into the conversation and here's your opening line when you see a group. You have to do this. You have to go, hi, my name's Preet, probably remember me from the stage before. Do you mind if I join the conversation? And watch what happens. And watch what conversations will flow and step into the future version of you. Yeah? Can I give you a hug? Please. Yeah, just hug it out after that. Yeah, well done, well done. So proud of you. Well done. Thank you. Well done. Proud of you. Proud of you.

If you struggle to have conversations with strangers and want to learn how to speak better, this is for you.

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=== About Vinh Giang ===
Vinh Giang is an internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, communication skills expert, and magician. He blends his unique talents to captivate audiences and deliver powerful lessons on the art of influence, persuasion, and effective communication. His mission is to empower individuals and leaders to communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact, enabling them to unlock new levels of success in both their personal and professional lives.

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