How I see the US after living in Europe for 6 years (Ep. 05)

Every morning in school, as a kid, I'd stand up with the other kids, we'd take off our hats, put our hands over our hearts, and pledge allegiance to the American flag. The lines we'd say were burned into my memory, and here's how we'd say them. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Every American knows this, down to when to pause and how to say it. It's normal for us, but I don't know if people from other countries are aware that we do this. When I've mentioned this to some of my non-American friends, they look at me in shock. And listen, I am not for or against anyone pledging allegiance to a flag, but looking back, it feels weird to make an eight-year-old do this before they even understand what they're saying. Even now, I wonder, what does it all mean? Does it mean I cannot criticize this country? The US does stuff around the world I cannot stand for. Who is to blame? The politicians? The people that vote for those politicians? I don't know if I have the answers, but these are all questions I ask myself all the time. Here's the thing. There are a lot of things about the US that I am not a fan of. I have spent the majority of the last decade outside of the country. When I left, my view of the country was quite negative. I got tired of the divisiveness, of the gun violence, of the politics. Just to name a few things. People recognize that America is sick even though maybe we don't agree as to why it's sick and how to fix it. But I have to be honest about something I've learned about myself. Some of my dislike for the US went beyond those things. It was personal. It came down to feeling stuck there. Stuck in the way of life. I didn't feel like I belonged and this shaped my entire worldview. It's the real reason why I left. The thing is, this question follows you wherever you go, and everyone has to answer it. So I want to tell a story for anyone who has struggled to like where they come from. To have a different experience of the United States, there was one person I knew I had to visit. Someone uniquely capable of showing me a side of the country that you don't see when you just stay in its cities. I'm talking about the incredible wilderness. At this stage of my life, that is what represents the real wealth of this country. Not its GDP, not the size of its military, or the number of billionaires it is home to. My friend lives in a little mountain town in Colorado, nearly 8,000 feet above sea level. My friend's name is Schaefer Nickel, and he's the kind of guy that likes to, well, he's a very talented filmmaker with a YouTube channel you've got to check out. I'll link to it in the description. For years now, Schaefer's been telling me to come visit him, telling me that where he lives is not like what I've experienced before. I'd never been to Colorado and I'd never really spent time in a small American town before. I had a feeling being in a place like this might change how I looked at this country. So, I went. Schaefer's Little Town is a quaint place, a magnet for outdoorsy people. It felt like I stepped onto the set of some indie American film with Schaefer and his group of friends. Still very car-centric, but because the town's small, it doesn't feel so bad. And it's also offset by the spectacular mountains surrounding you. Here at least it feels a little more justified to have a car. And I only mention this because it does bother me how insanely car-centric this country is. The urban planning is just so poor. Here's an example. If you're at this crosswalk and you don't go across with this flag and you get hit by a car, then you're liable. It is a little bit sketchy. I mean, look at, there's a lot going on here. I have to shout to even talk to you right now. And it's like six or seven lanes. The amount of times I've walked by and been like, I'm not going to carry this stupid flag. And then I take two steps out and the car goes, DOOM! Things get so much better when you get away from the asphalt. Fortunately, there are massive expanses that look like this. I've been coming out here forever. For the entire time I've lived here. Every single night I come out here, it's always different. I've never been here and been like, that was a lot like that one night. It's never like that. It's the gift that keeps on giving. And the light changes so fast too. It's like 15 minutes ago it looks super different. I know. It goes quick. So does life. How often do you come out here? Like to places like this? To this specific area more than three times a week. But it's bikeable from my house so it's not the biggest commitment. It's amazing how easy it is to be alone out here. Every time I turn my head. I was met with a stunning Coloradan landscape. There's an irony in me coming to a little town of 7,000 people, of course. I didn't grow up in a small town like this, but I know that a lot of the kids that do want nothing more than to escape, to move to the big city where there are opportunities and different kinds of people. I think there's a very human tendency when growing up to want to escape whatever makes you feel trapped. For many of our grandparents or great-grandparents, That meant moving from the countryside to the city to find opportunities, to find work or get an education. The place that I felt stuck were the suburbs of Portland, Oregon, where I grew up. All I was thinking about was how far away I felt from the rest of the world, how badly I wanted to escape. I took that feeling of being stuck and projected it onto the entirety of the U.S. It's funny because I've picked a tiny French village to be my new home for this next stage of my life, which is... what I'm doing this entire series of videos on. And I'm certain there have been many French kids that have grown up in little French villages that have wanted nothing more than to escape and move to another place with more opportunity, like the United States. So the irony is not lost on me. We always seem to more easily appreciate what we don't have. And I think we all have to grapple with our own personal versions of this, escaping the places we feel stuck. Why did I want to escape? Well, I didn't feel understood. I didn't have friends in high school, and I didn't want to go to university. I didn't want the debt. I didn't want to waste my life away in a big car on the way to a 9 to 5 job working for a boss I hate. I wanted to break out of the system. I wanted the freedom to see the world. I thought leaving the country would be the answer. I didn't realize at the time that these were not American only problems. These are 21st century human problems. Sure. The exact list of problems varies a bit from country to country, but I now see that there's way more overlap than I used to think. Life can feel empty when you lack meaning, when you lack omission, which means that wherever you go, you can get stuck. So what have I been looking for all this time? It turns out it's less of a geographical place than I realized. Now, there's more that I want to say about this, but... I first want to thank the sponsor of this video, whose support funded this trip to the United States, as well as provided the means to shoot elements of this video on 16mm film, which is something you'll see a little bit more of in part 2. It is thanks to therapy that I'm able to get outside of myself in a way, and question assumptions that I have about life, like what I'm sharing in this video. This is the value of having someone to speak to that isn't a member of your family, or a friend that might just echo the things you want to hear. BetterHelp have made therapy more accessible, more affordable, and more flexible. I now live in a tiny village. If I had to go in person to do therapy, I'd have to drive a long time. Fortunately, with BetterHelp, you don't have to, and it's designed in a way that allows you to keep changing therapists for free until you click with someone. It's easy to sign up and get matched with someone immediately. There's a link in my description if you're interested in checking it out, or you can just go to BetterHelp.com slash Nathaniel Drew. Clicking that link helps support this channel. but it also gets you 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. I think a part of the reason I went to the US was to explore how Schaefer had found a way not to feel stuck in a small town like this in the middle of nowhere. How did you end up in this small town? I ended up here because I wanted to go to a college that was close in proximity to skiing and the mountains and I did it and I never left. It's funny because first two years I was here, I truly could not stand it. And I was actively trying to transfer schools. You look at this place and you go, how could anyone not like this? But I was kind of choosing to find the worst in it. It's very small. There's not a huge pool of bachelorettes hanging around this town. There's not a huge option when it comes to like food and cuisine and stuff to do. It's very small. It feels small. But over time, I think there was just a little bit of like, okay. I'm going to have to decide to see the best in this. And it became really easy once I started trying. I can be a valuable member of the community. Like we have the stupid bike night we do on Thursdays. And that was just a big giant group chat no one asked to be in that I just pirated into everyone's phones. I was like, grab your bikes. We're going every Thursday. We're doing it. And a ton of people show up because people want to be invited to stuff. Basically, Schaefer, and everyone that's a part of the group chat he made for this, shows up on bikes and roll around town with no real objective. A bit like a flock of birds, except it's humans on wheels. I have found that satisfaction to some extent is the byproduct of action. I started liking it here when I decided to try to start liking it here. I cannot possibly overstate how important other people are. I know it doesn't seem like it. I'm a highly introverted person and I have learned so much the last two years about how much fulfillment and joy and meaning there is in being a community member. Hey man! Hey man! That's my corner man! You, stop! On your mark. Disqualified! DQ! DQ! Oh my god! If I would take a few deep friendships over a lot of shallow friends, less is more for me for sure. I felt very welcomed despite not knowing anyone at first. The important element of the weekly tradition is to eventually end up at Starbucks to get free cake pops. I have two orange ones. Chocolate on chocolate. This is not really happening. Double chocolate. Americans will be Americans. Often times. They play board games afterwards. It's incredible to me to see the sense of community here shared by a guy who didn't originally like living here. So this is what a lot of my life looked like in the three weeks that I spent there. But the single thing I most cared to experience during my time in Colorado was climbing a mountain. Yet another thing I had never really done before. Even with my visit to the Alps earlier this summer, hiking a mountain in the Rockies was a level beyond anything I'd ever done. So near the end of my time there, Schaefer took me. Dude, thank you so much for bringing me here. Oh, you're so welcome, dude. It's so beautiful here. I know, I know. It doesn't get old either. On our way up, he showed me how to shoot on his Bolex. I'd never shot 16mm film before, but it is a totally unique experience. Okay, so let's take a look. Oh my god! Oh my god, I feel the power. I'm gonna film where we're going. Is that where we're going? That's where we're going. Okay. Was that a good amount of time? I immediately looked to you for approval. That was good. That was good. I felt good. I'm improving. The air is thin this high up. Thinner than I had ever experienced. I don't know if that affects how you see the world, but the entire way up, I felt like everything gleamed so brilliantly in the sunshine. This? is what I was in such a rush to get away from when I was younger. Oh, what a fool I can be. At 13,000 feet above sea level, that's nearly 4,000 meters, I felt dizzy from the enormous magnitude and beauty of everything around me. I could go a thousand miles in almost any direction and still not reach the ocean. Oh my God, no. No, no, no, I'm not going through that. Oh my God, no. I can't explain just how fucking it. This is like a psychedelic experience right now. Do you think of the America of the last three weeks parallels the America of the internet? Well, no real life is not the internet ever anywhere. This is also an experience of the United States unlike any other I've had and I've spent Still the majority of my life in this country 18 or 19 years total and these last three weeks were unlike any other time. I came as a different person. I mean I am a different person now. With different people in a different place. There's an infinite number of different experiences you can have in a country this big. Or really any country I think. This has still been a very American experience. Okay so like a lot of stuff is still corresponding with what I know to be true of this country. So I'm not like wow it's a totally different country. Like we're still in the US. You know it's just a different experience and I'm loving it. But I still have the same issues that I always did. I definitely feel incredibly grateful to have been born in a place that has this. Like wow. I try really hard not to take it for granted. I feel so grateful to just be here to take this in. We're alone on the top of this mountain. Pretty much there's a slightly taller peak right there but I'm not going. I guess in life you sort of get to choose what you focus on and it can very easily be the negatives but there's also a lot of incredible stuff, right? And I guess that's why I came here. In my desperation and impatience to move far away from this country when I was younger, I couldn't see the beauty of this place and its people. But I can see it now. I want to end with this. I'm not trying to paper over the problems this country has. I'll probably always have some kind of complicated relationship with this place. There are things we should all continue to challenge and question about whatever society we live in or come from. This country, just like every country, has to face many challenges ahead. As for me, well, my life in France continues. I have a lot of work to do. I have a new home. And I'm thrilled with this beautiful opportunity to learn more about myself and the world. I'm learning to enjoy the mundane. I've realized that there is no one culture or people I connect with more. People I've always most connected with are weirdos like me. Not bound to any one country, but rather a blend of things. Third culture kids. So I'm grateful for this redemptive trip back to the US. Grateful to have grown beyond some of my old ideas about this place. I'm grateful to have been born and grown up here. To have the American friends that I do. I guess I'm just a believer that there are things to love about every place. No matter where you come from.

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Timestamps:

0:00 – Pledging allegiance to the flag
0:58 – My problem with the US
2:08 – Visiting someone who could show me a different side of the US
3:28 – A criticism on urban planning
4:08 – Away from the asphalt
5:01 – The human desire to escape where you're from
8:26 – Making the best of where you are
11:06 – Traditions
12:11 – Climbing a mountain
16:28 – Seeing the beauty of this place